An Excerpt from Intrigue: January 10, 1991

17 Mar



I just finished working graveyard shift. I got some coffee at King Hall Cafeteria so I could stay up for a few more hours.

Kai strutted into the cafeteria. Shit! What does she want? Her heels clicked on the linoleum floor. She plopped herself next to me.

“Good morning, Adam.”

Her tone frightened me. “Uh, Good morning, Kai.”

I grabbed my back pack and stood up. “Sorry, but I need to get going.”

She yanked my arm and pulled me back into my chair. “Oh no you don’t.” Her eyes narrowed. “You don’t leave until we’re done talking.” She flicked her red mane over her shoulders. “Remember Christmas Eve?”

“Uh, yeah.” How could I forget?

She glared into my eyes. “I’m pregnant, Adam.”

Adrenaline coursed through my veins. “No,” I stammered. It felt like someone throttled my neck. I couldn’t breathe.  “That’s not possible.”

“We screwed, didn’t we?”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Oh now you’re Mr. Goody-Goody?” she taunted.

“Kai stop bullshitting me.”

“I’m having this baby whether you like it or not.” She rubbed her abdomen.

“Kai, are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

  “Look Kai, I can’t have a child with you.” Sweat drenched my face and arm pits. I could never marry her–or any foreigner. “I’ll pay for the abortion.”

She slapped my face. In front everyone.

The 25 or so students eating their breakfast gaped at us.

“Jerk,” she snarled. “You should have thought about the consequences before.”

A lump stuck in my throat. My eyes started to tear up from the sting of her slap. “We can’t have a baby. Not now.”

“I’m not killing our child because you’re afraid to man-up to your responsibilities.”

Rage overtook fear. “Give me proof you’re pregnant. Then I’ll man-up.” I hawked a loogie into a napkin. “God knows who else you’ve been screwing.”

She started to slap me again, but I blocked her hand.

“Do not ever touch me again,” I said evenly.

I grabbed my backpack and left Kai and the gaping people behind.


4 Responses to “An Excerpt from Intrigue: January 10, 1991”

  1. Kirsten March 18, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

    This is riveting!
    The dialogue, as always, is snappy and clear. Very realistic.
    So many questions raised by this snippet. I loved it when Kai slapped Adam, but then, I don’t know much about her, so I have to wonder, did she screw around, like he says?

    All these questions make me want to keep reading!

    • never2late2write March 19, 2012 at 6:07 am #

      Thanks Kirsten :). The reader doesn’t know for sure about Kai’s behavior. It’s more likely she did not screw around.

      At the same time, I’m also not providing all the details in my postings.

  2. Frederick Shelton March 28, 2012 at 11:58 pm #

    You go from first person Stevie in one chapter to first person Adam in another. if the novel is going to be writtin in the first person, you need to decide who that person is going to be. Sometimes the basics are tough stuff. Decide who the book is about. Then decide if you’re going to write in first person, second, third omniscient and so on. Then stick to that. What you’ve got going for you is that you have characters that are likable and also those who engender disdain. Evoke and emote and you might have something here.

    • never2late2write March 29, 2012 at 6:01 am #

      Hi Frederick. Thank you for your feedback. At this time I’m choosing to write this novel from two view points: Stevie and Adam’s. The story is about these two. I know that I have a lot clean up and editing ahead. I may need to write it from one person’s perspective. In the near future, I plan to work in a writing group, beta reader or editor.

      I look forward to conversing with you more soon.



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